Looking after an elderly parent is often an unseen labour of love. You juggle doctor visits, household errands, and endless responsibilities—yet what can feel most painful is when your own family members question how you are doing it. Instead of recognition, you may be met with unsolicited advice or criticism, particularly during holidays when relatives visit briefly but have plenty to say.
If you’ve ever felt drained or undervalued by these moments, you’re not alone. Here are strategies that can help you protect your energy and stay focused on what really matters: your loved one’s wellbeing.
Share the Journey Before They Judge
Criticism often grows in silence. If your siblings only hear updates once or twice a year, they may not grasp the full scope of what you handle. Regular phone calls, emails, or even a family group chat can keep everyone in the loop about medications, therapies, or changes in daily routines. When relatives feel included, their suggestions are more likely to support rather than undermine you.
Build Your “Response Toolkit”
Family gatherings can bring emotional flare-ups. Instead of being caught off guard, prepare simple responses you can use when tough comments arise. For example:
- If someone says, “You should be visiting more often,” you might reply, “I wish I could, but I’m balancing many responsibilities. I’d love your input on how you could help too.”
By having these phrases ready, you can stay calm and avoid unnecessary conflict.
Turn Criticism Into Contribution
Rather than shutting down a critical remark, redirect it into action. If a sibling suggests you haven’t followed up on a doctor’s instructions, invite them to schedule a call with the healthcare team themselves. Offering practical ways for others to help both eases your load and transforms negativity into shared responsibility.
Remember, It’s Not About You
Harsh words from relatives may reflect guilt, stress, or old family tensions—not your actual caregiving. The holiday season, in particular, can resurface long-buried emotions. Try to remind yourself that these comments often come from your family’s own struggles, not from any failure on your part.
Choose Peace Over Perfection
It’s impossible to please everyone. What you can do is recognise your efforts, honour your limits, and prioritise self-care. Whether it’s taking a short break, connecting with a supportive friend, or joining a local community group, giving yourself moments of rest is essential for resilience.
Closing Thoughts
Family criticism can feel like salt on an open wound, but it doesn’t define your worth as a caregiver. By communicating openly, setting boundaries, and leaning on the support available, you can rise above negativity and continue providing the love and stability your elderly parent needs.
For families in Melbourne, Support Services Connect Australia (SSCA) offers a free care finding service to help you choose the right aged care provider. Having expert guidance can ease both practical and emotional burdens, ensuring that your loved one receives quality care while you gain peace of mind.